DOMESTIC VIOLENCE OR ABUSE IS NEVER JUSTIFIED (NEVER)
It is NEVER okay for any person to abuse you verbally, sexually, or physically. If you are in a marriage where you are often being belittled, humiliated, neglected, and hurt, then you and your children are in danger. You probably already know this, but you need help to get out, make a safety plan, find a place to stay, and file a restraining order.
IT IS SCARY TO ASK FOR HELP WHEN YOU ARE ABUSED AND THREATENED
I know you must be so scared and unsure about this step, but please seek help if this is you. You can not do this alone. It is impossible to just pull yourself up after years of neglect and abuse. There are people who know exactly how you feel and how difficult it is to get out of an abusive situation, and they want to help you. Please get in contact with a counselor, a social worker, or a close friend who can get you to a safe place (Domestic Violence Resource Center or Family Justice Center) and help you take the next step out of this pain you are living under.
PLEASE DON’T WAIT ANY LONGER: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE CAN BE FATAL
You can also reach out to me, Heleen, here on this website. I have experience and have been trained in helping and supporting people who are being abused and hurt. I will not judge or pressure you, but I will help you make a safety plan or send you in the right direction if you need more resources than I can offer. Call to schedule an appointment or click here to contact us.
Resources for Domestic Violence and Abuse Survivors
Here are links and phone numbers of shelters and hotlines.
Search for hotlines and shelters on the internet, even if you are in a different country than the USA.
Abuse Recovery Ministry Services:
National Domestic Violence Website (USA):
National Domestic Violence Hotline (USA):
1 800 799 SAFE (7233)
1 800 787 3224
FAMILY JUSTICE CENTER
Books to Read:
The Batterer – Donald G Dutton
The body keeps the score – Bessel van der Kolk
In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and dealing with manipulative people – George Simon
Christian Men Who Hate Women: Healing Hurting Relationships by Margaret J. Rinck
Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He’ll Change by Robin Norwood
8 Myths People Believe About Domestic Violence [Abuse]
MYTH: Domestic violence is a private family matter.
FACT: Domestic Violence is everyone’s business. Keeping domestic violence secret helps no one, has been shown to harm children, incurs substantial costs to society, and serves to perpetrate abuse through learned patterns of behavior.
MYTH: Most of the time, domestic violence is not really that serious.
FACT: Domestic violence is an illegal act in the U.S. and is considered a crime with serious repercussions. Although there are aspects of domestic violence (example: emotional, psychological, spiritual abuse) that may not be considered criminal in a legal sense, serious and long-lasting physical, emotional and spiritual harm can, and often does, occur. Each and every act of domestic violence needs to be taken seriously.
MYTH: Victims provoke their partners’ violence.
FACT: Whatever the problems exist in a relationship, the use of violence is never justifiable or acceptable. There is NO EXCUSE for domestic violence.
MYTH: Domestic violence is an impulse control or anger management problem.
FACT: Abusers act deliberately and with forethought. Abusers choose whom to abuse. For example, an abuser will selectively batter his wife but not his boss.
IMYTH: Women are just as violent as men in relationships.
FACT: Some women report striking their male partners during the course of conflict, often in self-defense. Women, however, rarely commit deliberate acts that result in fear, injury, rape or death.
MYTH: Domestic violence is bad but it happens elsewhere. It doesn’t happen in my community, my neighborhood, my culture, my religion, or my congregation.
FACT: Domestic violence happens to people of every educational and socioeconomic level. Domestic violence happens in all races, religions, and age groups. Domestic violence occurs in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships.
IMYTH: It is easy for a victim to leave their abuser, so if he/she doesn’t leave, it means he/she likes the abuse or is exaggerating how bad it is.
FACT: Fear, lack of safe options, and the inability to survive economically prevent many victims from leaving abusive relationships. Threats of harm, including death to the victim and/or children, keep many battered women/men trapped in abusive situations. The most dangerous time for a victim is when he/she attempts to leave the relationship, or when the abuser discovers that he/she has made plans to leave.
MYTH: ANGER MANAGEMENT PROGRAMS ARE BRIEFER, MORE COST EFFECTIVE THAN, AND JUST AS SUCCESSFUL AS CERTIFIED BATTERER INTERVENTION PROGRAMS.
FACT: Although briefer and less expensive than certified batterer intervention programs, anger management programs are not effective to address the deep-rooted issues of batterers.